I’ve often returned to this article that Charlie Morris wrote years ago. The theme of “sewing one’s own robes” has been predominant in my life and spiritual unfolding for the last five years. The words he wrote are simple, but a rare litmus test…
A spiritual seeker is, by default, existing in a state of delusion. Someone seeking to become awakened should be approached with the greatest care, because they cannot see clearly. When a person believes that they are not love, loveable, love itself, worthy of trust…it is a deep hole indeed. When they cannot see that they are what they seek, then what chance does a “teacher” have to supposedly offer awakening to them? The appearance that a teacher can offer awakening is a recalcitrant one. And it is perpetuated by the need of a “teacher” to believe that they can offer it. And it is perpetuated by the “seeker” who has a need to not face things within themselves, on their own, in the desert of the soul at night.
Seekers are in a deep illusion that the bliss or joy or wisdom in a teacher will somehow find its way to them, perhaps permeate into their being. It won’t. But it will have the appearance of doing so. It can last for years. A kind of awakening happens. But it is like borrowing someone’s clothes to walk around in. For your seeking to end…you must make your own robes. Thread by thread and by and by the seeker will find themselves in a place of genuine intimacy with their heart and path in a way that no amount of sitting with another could ever bring.
Another irony of seekers is that they misdirect…they never ask for the thing that they came to heal. They need one thing so very badly that they never name . They ask about spiritual growth. They ask about living in the light. They ask about awakening and how to do it. What they never ask for is “how can I love who I think I am?” And that is the most essential question of all. They do not ask “how is love possible for me, please help me learn to love myself.” The focus is nearly always on an ethereal and ungrounded kind of love and light and Awakening with a capital “A”. These things are approached almost as if they are possessions to acquire. They are also things that someone who finds their heart will discard along the way.
When your own heart is the one that soothes your own soul, you will not care about awakening…you will not care about enlightenment…you will not worry about how much ego is running old tapes.
I had this client once who exclaimed to me with all their might, in the most heartful and powerful voice I have ever heard…”I WANT TO LIVE!” It was literally shouted. And it wasn’t a triumphant voice. It was not a confident voice. It was the voice of someone that knew that love was the only thing left that could bring them out of their suffering. They didn’t say “I want to awaken!” nor “I want love and light!” That is the kind of place one must arrive at for love to immolate seeking. Love for what you have endured must be humbly begged for. And oftentimes, staying near a teacher for a long time shows you that another can love you…but at what point do you leave and discover how much love you truly have for yourself?
Being with a teacher can offer proof that deep love is real.
But until your teacher is gone, you will not find the last teacher your heart will ever need.
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