Poem: Sidelined

Yes,  relationship with you
Is what I came here for

It itself dreaming it awakens through a relationship with a teacherhttps://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h-JK4vAiivw/WNZYC0A2agI/AAAAAAAAJKo/jW4QHPN52g4dQ2dxmk8HkVAMK-JHjmGSgCLcB/s640/01.jpg
Dissolving the myth
That you created my experience
Is the experience I attained

But that has sidelined me
In an unrecoverable way
Cooking that hot soup
Lord, what were we even talking about?

That aspect, attitude has dissipated
Eroded, dissolved, capsized
Sometimes I’m angry
For how I latched onto you
To learn how to sew my own robes
But I don’t latch any longer

No, you are not a regular teacher
I can not do what I did with teachers
You saved me from that, I saved me

There is an ineffable mystical connection,
That is undeniable
Like the most exquisite kind of touch
And there is wounded human blockage
Both.

Boy how I wanted to heal that blockage
But why?

I know you would say that you still have an ego
And it is spiritual folly to want a guide without one

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Poem: The image does not

The image does not produce the screen
The refection does not cause the water


The moving cloud does not create the sky
The acting play does not make the stage
Thought does not engender the space of mind
Emotion and the fruition of karma do not bequeath eternity
Nothing, no series of efforts, releases
The awakening of this truth

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Reblog – “A bit about love” by Charlie Morris

For me this has been one of the most influential articles I ever read from Charlie Morris.  There is something about how he expresses the process of personal love that exploded it for me.  Ultimately that isn’t good or bad,  it is just what I came here for this time.  “No matter how many we fall in and out of love with, ultimately we end up loving ourselves…or the search inevitably continues…and that search is our karmic path, perhaps the work of lifetimes some may say.”

A bit about love 

by Charlie Morris – April 8th, 2008

Question:  Is all love just based upon neediness then?

Answer: Of course, how could it be any other way?  Like people floating on the ocean would need to know how to swim in order to survive, the need for love is that essential.  Personal love is like an oxygen bottle when one is cut off and isolated in an atmosphere their lungs can not properly breathe in.  So, quite literally, love is needed to remind us of what is true.  Without exposure to it, we would literally be lost.  Personal need based love is like a map back to the self.  Everyone walks around with half a map or a portion of the map. We will find that we will need love in stages.  There will be times when we will need it.  We will find people that we believe love us.  It does not matter if personal love is an illusion.  The point is what happens when we meet someone who actually finds us lovable.  What happens then?  We then begin to believe this…perhaps for the first time in our lives…we begin to believe truly that perhaps we are lovable.  No other experience can deliver this sort of punch.  Only what appears to be love from the outside makes us begin to believe we are worth loving.  Unconditional universal love all begins with personal love.   And don’t forget the stages.  There will be times when we will be so well reminded by someone that we may then move on, feeling well loved.  The external experience of being exposed to your own worth then enlightens one to the true nature that they are loveable and worthy of existing.  People need this because simply forming an identity, simply having an ego is the death of true nature.  Like a scythe it cuts us off from wholeness and connection that we are.  In this new place, I say yes…yes we do need love, along with oxygen, and food and water…which we also get from external sources.

The amount of love we feel when in relationship brings up fears and the fears show us what we have decided about ourselves to make us feel unloved to begin with.  Some relationships work these things out; others just blow apart because people do not have the tools to weather this storm of inevitable self hate.  But even for couples that make it through the storm, even they may reach a point where one, or the other, finds themselves needing again.  Even in the happiest relationship one can end up feeling lonely again, neediness creeps in.

Question: Okay so what then is personal love?

Answer: Need is the hearts way of telling us that something is missing.  Personal love is an unconscious answer to going deeper into our true nature.  But what is love?  What is it to be attracted so strongly to someone and you can not sleep even?  It is the recognition of self in another.  We end up feeling love with someone who reflects what we wish to love in ourselves.  That feeling of needing to be with someone, that longing to not be alone…this is what love is, it’s the hearts fervent prayer that we are not alone.  The truth is that we are not alone….if we can let go of the ego.  But when we can not, personal love serves as a small window into what it is like to love another and powerfully so.  For this feeling people travel great distances, have children, move to other places, and make wedding vows for a lifetime.  Yes, it is an extremely strong feeling.  So, what is personal love?  It’s nothing more than the expression of love that you find hard to feel for yourself, projected onto another.  Thank God for personal love…without it, few would wake up, fewer would even be alive.

Question: Then why do people say that personal love is an illusion?

Answer: Because underneath all that great intensity is a grand illusion.  The illusion is that you LOVE that person.  When really what you see is what you love.  You love what you recognize about yourself in that person.  You love how you feel loved by that person.  You love it that they pay attention to you in a ways you do not.  They provide, from the outside, a feeling you do not give to yourself.  But they can not actually give it to you.  It is alas, just the feeling, not the real thing.  It is like the smell of the feast, but you do not get to eat.  The smell, when starving, can make one mad with passion, but truthfully the scent is all you will ever get.  That scent is meant to wake you up.  But you never get full from the scent.  It just reminds you of what you truly are, what you could feel if you were not living in the mind all day long, all life long.  So, again, personal love is a respite, a beautiful respite that is necessary at times to remind us of how wonderful it is to be us.  Why is it an illusion?   Because when two people are in love, they are really just loving themselves in each others presence.  But people make the error, though a wonderful one, of thinking that the other person is the source of their happy feeling.  They meet someone and they feel loved and they believe it is the love flowing from the other to them and filling them up.  But it can’t and it won’t.  The ego has to die more before this illusion can be dispelled.  Love for the self and love from another can help the ego to die more, to relax more.  So when one says to the other, “I love you” they really mean, “I love myself more while in your presence.”  This brings us back to the illusion part.  Take that other person out of the equation and then what?  Where does the love go?  Does it leave when they leave?  One may feel like it does and then it’s back to the search for love.  And that is the search for true nature by any other name.  When we can feel love for ourselves, from within, the need drops away and personal love takes a back seat to two people just sharing life together in a less dependent fashion.  But make no mistake about it…things can shift again.  When we find ourselves once more in a stage of life where we find it hard to love ourselves again, where we find it hard to feel compassion….we will seek out personal love…even if it is an illusion.  A beautiful illusion and one that can be learned much from, instead of shunned out of judgment.  This is the key though. To realize that at times we do need personal love.  Because there are so many levels to our consciousness.  Everytime we think we have fallen in love with all of it, and accepted it completely…just wait a while.  Eventually we will hit a bottom we couldn’t see or even fathom previously.  Old issues we thought long extinct resurface as if new all over again.  It is from a deeper place and feels even stronger than before.  It’s not personal, it’s just housekeeping.  But we may find ourselves asking the question, ‘who will love this part of me because I do not?’  And if we find someone who can…perhaps it is what we need to find the heart of our own acceptance.  And then that acceptance will move into our own hearts.

No matter how many we fall in and out of love with, ultimately we end up loving ourselves…or the search inevitably continues…and that search is our karmic path, perhaps the work of lifetimes some may say.

Love is simply love.  Personal, unconditional…whatever.  It’s all about returning to your true nature.

Namaste,
Charlie

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Bankei – from “Unborn: The Life and Teachings of Zen Master Bankei, 1622-1693”

This is a great excerpt from Bankei’s Ryumon-ji Sermons in “Unborn: The Life and Teachings of Zen Master Bankei, 1622-1693” translated by Norman Waddell (page 52-53). It really hits the nail on the head…

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Reblog: Poem: Desert by Charlie Morris

Desert

by Charlie Morris (13July2010)

I wonder if the spirits
are as exasperated with me
as I am with them.

Why does my learning
come from loss
and not
from joy?
And how long will this lesson
take?

Why is wisdom
earned through struggle
but not
practiced until there is peace?
And how long must this peace
last?

Learning
Wisdom…
through relationship
I have been transformed
into the learned
into the wiser
and I use these skills
to do nothing more
than stare at the sands behind me
and watch the great mother wind
obscure the tracks,
theirs and mine.

I sit down
on the dune
feel god beating down
upon me
and tremor,
not because I am alone in the desert
but because I am the lonely desert.

Oh sweet people
I so dearly have no answers
for you,
I so thoroughly contain no knowing
other
than what I experience when or if
you choose to meet my eyes
or hold my hands
or open yourself to this universal
heart.

And I do not accept
what looks at you in those moments
I do not love what exposes you
I do not like how it strips off your ego
like clothing for a bonfire
that burns in honor of gods I serve
but do not even recognize.

Can’t I have a different gift?
Perhaps something that people love?
Perhaps something that bandages and binds?
Perhaps something that only makes them smile?

I shake the sand from my robes
and try to move on,
but where do I move to?
I exist in the minority of the majority,
on the fringes of the minority
the ragged edge of the fringe
and as a single fiber on the ragged edge
that floats in the infinite…
like the desert all ‘round,
so I sit right back down.

Do people really want to see
how we are all made out of sand?
As beautiful, pristine and wild
as the desert is
I don’t want to be the heated
sandstorm.
I don’t want to disturb their sleep.
I can’t find a reason to say
any more
to any one
else.

I’d rather be out here alone
than bring others with me.
I am not like Jesus.
I am not a guru.
I do not feel the need to quicken
another’s awakening.
I say the good news
is that you can live in illusion
for your whole lifetime
and not be punished for it.
The good news,
is that you do not have to be saved
by anyone.
The good news is that
if you do what you do
and say what you say
you won’t receive God’s love
no,
you will see that you are God’s love.

Even when feeling alone
in vast empty desert
this love is more than enough
to quench any thirst.

When my healer, Charlie Morris, first posted this poem in 2010 he also had an audio and video version. This poem, his situation in this lifetime, and the impact his healing work had on me personally, all reverberated very strongly for me. For me, just working with Charlie even from a distance can strip of the illusions of my life in a way that is not comfortable nor well-paced. It is like the coming out of the pod scene in the Matrix. Or better said, the purpose of my life, to see through the illusions of what appear to create our own inner awareness, peace and sovereignty, is itself like that heated sandstorm. When your purpose is to see through illusion, and most of what is around you is building up illusion, you can’t but appear as a heated sandstorm sometimes. And as a human, when relationships and events cease to be propped up by that kind of projective illusion, it can be sad. “Can’t I have a different gift? Perhaps something that bandages and binds? Perhaps something that only makes them smile?”

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Poem: Worth and Misfortune

I’ve decided my
Life
Is worth living

Even if few understand
What it is devoted to
And the isolation that brings
A few writings that intimate
The most important experiences
I came here in a body to behold

And the other experiences
I did not come here for –
Betrayal, deceit, intimidation, extortion
The ones I had no choice but to endure
The ones I have to watch my son
Endure

The teachers who told me to
“Be firm” and “work things out”
Who themselves hand those hard words off
To others who don’t know
How to speak them
So expect my advice
Which means that, again,
I am the one who speaks them

It is worth living
Even in pain
Pain from physical accidents
Karmic adjustments like God
Wielding an ax for spiritual surgery
Pain from social misconducts
I had no knowledge of
But still have to bear the misfortunes

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Astronaut Redux

There is no gravity
No air
What keeps me alive
Spinning
In mid-air?

All the earth,
All the atmosphere
Dissolved
I am a ghost astronaut
Hanging here

Devastating celestial,
Wrathful dakini
Teaching
Razed our lives apart

Breathe emptiness in
Exhale pain out
One must be willing
to stand alone,
in the unknown.“*

*Adyashanti

Astronaut by Charles Morris

Inhale
Exhale
Breathe in
Breathe out

Measured and full
Like a man on the moon
Like an astronaut
Exploring the edges
Of an impact crater

Booted feet
Scuffling up endlessly
Endlessly floating dust
My over-sized suit
Making my hands clumsey
In this lunar soil

Inhale
Exhale
The work is exhausting
Breathe in
Breathe out
Maneuvering, about to learn

Inhale
How the crater
Exhale
Was made
Breathe in
What lead to
Breathe out
Devastating celestial impact

All I know
Inhale
Is that when I look
Exhale
At the earth
Breathe in
From way out here
Breathe out
That the memory of home
Of Family
Inhale
Is so
Hold breath
Very very far away
Exhale
That at times
I have to remind myself
Inhale
Of how to breathe
Exhale

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Poem: House of Cards

That life is a house of cards
Is a truism
The very cliche of impermanence
Yet we view some situations
As stable, and others like cards?

It is very hard to see
The house of cards everywhere
Especially within
The house of your own body
How many can truly
Live aware of this
And function?

But that doesn’t matter
What does, is that I do.

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That space is love

Great Sand Dunes Wilderness, CO

That Space is Love

Love is near
Nearer than near
You show me
How to hold you
In that Space
How you hold me
In that Space
All of the time

 

We both keep going
In that Space
All directions that Space
That Space is Love

Giving and receiving
That Space
In Love
Is rare
Rarer still is the joy
And the sorrow
Of meeting you again
And again
In this lifetime

-Teala  (April 20th, 2011)

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Poem: Charnel

I thank you
Chödpas must go to the charnel grounds
To practice offering their flesh
To voracious lower beings
But you, you make my life
Like a charnel ground
A constant offering
To grasping for my lifeforce
Without moving an inch

 

External chod is to wander in fearful places where there are deities and demons. Internal chod is to offer one’s own body as food to the deities and demons. Ultimate chod is to realize the true nature of the mind and cut through the fine strand of hair of subtle ignorance. I am the yogi who has these three kinds of chod practice

– Milarepa

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