About 12 years ago, I moved away from my spiritual community and circle of friends and colleagues in Santa Cruz California. I’ve enjoyed many opportunities in the new home I’ve made, and faced many challenges. But this last week caused me to remember the dear friends I still have there, and yet have had so little time to connect with over recent years.
I had written to my friend Marjorie in July, in reply to a birthday card, that I was so grateful to be well remembered. This week she replied “You are truly a beautiful gift to all of us, and it’s so wonderful to see your gracious maturing and growth over the years. How could we possibly forget you, no matter how long and how far!!??” Yesterday reading that email and talking to my friend Bev on the phone, brought me to tears. Especially because there is another of our friends that I was not able to get back in touch with so easily.
About a month ago, I found a photo in a box while I was cleaning. It was of my friend and musician John Wheeler. I was singing Indian bhajans with him at our meditation temple, along with another friend Ulrike. It feels like another life time ago. I stopped to look at the photo, feeling so many things about that time in my life, and those friends from our group. Ulrike passed away in India in Dec 2009. She is a good friend, we’d lived together for years in our Santa Cruz ashram. John has been an amazing friend to me since 1986 when we first met, but especially about two years ago when he was able to give me some detailed advice about a medical situation my father was facing.
So when I dreamt of John last weekend, I felt I should follow up on our last email conversation. I tried and the email address no longer worked. It has only been a day or two, but he hasn’t replied to a phone message. He’s moved to a new location. Suddenly the shock that he might either be unavailable now, or sick, really sank through my whole system. I felt guilty that I’d never replied to our last email thread for over a year, being so busy with medical issues for my family. All the karmic threads I have with John over the years were suddenly vibrating intensely. I don’t really know how to describe what I was experiencing yesterday – but my friend Bev could hear it in my voice. I don’t really want to write this, but it feels like those karmic threads are suddenly being cut or dissolved in some way and I was reaching out and screeching “noooooo!” Trying to reel them back into some kind of stability.
I don’t understand it. I am writing about it because it is a complete mystery to me, and one that has turned my system upside down. I just have to discover some peace with that. I woke up to the owl whoo’ing so loudly – it sounded like she was right outside my bedroom window. Owl spirit calling out to me about change…